i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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