Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
