I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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