i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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