Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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