I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize