Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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