That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
