She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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