Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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