i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
