Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
