I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize