I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize
