don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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