Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
