We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
