I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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