so that wasnt chicken after all
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Randomize
