i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
