This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
