She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
