new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
