It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
