Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
