And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
