i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
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1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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