Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
