I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
