apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
