You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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