Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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