i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
