dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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