She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
