just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Randomize
