My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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