Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
