why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Randomize
