Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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