I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
