What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
