Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
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As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
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i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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