I'm lost and stupid without you.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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