why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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