I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
