remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
