Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
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Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
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Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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