I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
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It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
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I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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