i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
