my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
