nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
