Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
