Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
