I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
