I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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