making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
