he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
