i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
