I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
