week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
