But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
