Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
