I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
