Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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