P.S. I can't hear my feet
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
