doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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