YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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