Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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