bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
