I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
