You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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